Today 3 years ago on November 28, 2016, Mamá’s body returned to Earth.
I arrived at the church with white feathers on my head and with a Tibetan bowl, as a reminder of what she and I talked about when we were alone. We both loved birds & feathers and she loved the Tibetan bowls as well and even asked me to use them on her.
We had a special connection, grandmothers who raise grandchildren talk to them about things from another world that no one else knows, that was what she gave me.
When the “world” knew that I was going to show up at church with feathers, it didn’t like it and even mentioned to me that I shouldn’t be there with feathers or a bowl! It was a catholic church, how could you!? you know… My grandfather could care less as he also liked the bowls and what I did.
I was not going to sing at church or play the bowl, but No world is gonna tell me how to express love, especially since Mamá had always told me that I was like a wild horse or in her own words “Carito usted es como un caballo chucaro” (Carito means small Carolina, Chucaro means wild & caballo means horse), so the wild in me stayed with the feathers an all, I promised her that before!
My name should have been Carito Wild Horse, as wild was born with me, I even refuse to breastfeed since I was born. (that actually makes me laugh! hahahaha 🙂 )
The “blind world” told me that “she could picture me I flying like a vulture… with my feathers in my own home”, to which I reply “Yes, for sure! How do you know? “ and I don’t mean that in a bad way, I was actually not concern at all!
No one will stop me from what I vowed to her! With my truth on the forehead, as a woman healer like she was, with that medicine that from the depths of my heart always wants to sprout, the medicine of love she gave me as it is not mine, it is for all of us.
Proud and humble at the same time, I feel all my ancestors from the beginning of time backing me up, all of those who have come before me and will come after, we are aligned.
I will follow the path she taught me and I will tell you why.
To begin I was not the healthiest child, maybe also because I refuse to breastfeed. I used to get sick all the time, on top of that being a Moonchild didn’t help, so I was overly emotional & sensitive… I had too much water.
Since a very early age that and other things made me feel like something was wrong, like if I lost something and always wonder what it was. Always trying to recall, what?
Along the way I found many ways to fill the wonder with different things, but at the end the missing “bit” was always on the back of my mind or maybe on the back of my heart…
By the time I was 16 many things had happened and I became rebellious, questioning why I had to be indoctrinated at school with a belief system that I was not in alignment with, and that got me in “trouble”. Then I got very sick for the 1st time.
I had a fire in me that spoke about a different type of life and I wanted to follow that. One day I felt the need to look for what I was missing or what I had lost, the process was very painful and long, very long, at times being in the process made me forget that I was in the process of looking for something, and got even more lost. Being lost made me feel even worse, but from each painful process a seed was planted and many things were born.
The 2nd time I got extremely sick I was 19 years old and no doctors could find what was wrong, an unknown sickness that no one knew back home. It sent me to 4 hospitals, even my mother had to take me at some point as I was completely paralised unable to move any part of my body or walk, I had a fever and all my muscles ache, if you saw me walking you would have thought that I was 80! To this day no one knows what happened then, I got better but it took a long time.
I believe mamá’s guidance always brought closer to the road I had to walk. So I started to learn holistic therapies in a school, following the vision.
I had to get sick one more time to call in all my strength, the 3rd time everyone though I had cancer or something similar, I have always been skinny but by then I had lost 6 kilos I was basically just skin and bone. I visited many doctors and everyone had a different opinion but no one knew what It was, until someone said it was fibromyalgia, 3 different doctors had to convince me about that.
From the fangs of Fibromyalgia I recovered, stronger than I could ever imagine with the fire still going on, I never took a pill for pain as it is a nasty trapp Fibro sets for each person. It was one of the hardest things I had to deal with, I survived and I’m free of any pain 🙂
But in the midst of the pain I saw glimpses of light, that guided me back to the road I had to walk.
I realized that every time I got terribly sick; I was not being sincere and in alignment with my own truth, that one that resonates deep inside.
The missing thing that I was looking for found me at last! At first I couldn’t recognize it, as if it was nonsense, something I couldn’t even process and even wonder in surprise, like if it was a foreign thing, something external to me.
How in the world! Could this thing be hidden inside! I became aware that I had never lost anything, I just had forgotten I had that, since there were piles of others “things” from other people, on top I couldn’t really see with my own eyes.
I had to get sick in order to look in, for me to come out! To live my life to the fullest regardless of what the world sees, thinks or believes, to resonate with my true nature, to bring my innate gifts and full authenticity to the surface.
It has taken me a long time just like the Velveteen Rabbit, but here I am in the spiral of life and death, to walk the talk and come forward with the truth.
Photo from http://falseknees.com
Today 3 years after Mamá left the physical world and after waiting for a long time patiently for guidance and vision, I’m ready to tell the world that my name has changed.
I thank my mentors for the name given, as it is the carrier of the medicine I’ll be giving. I continue to promise to walk in light and love.
In honor to Mamá:
“The incredible woman that touched my life, with her unconditional love and her sweet smile making my days magical.
Traveling pastures, coffee plantations and roads… while she told me stories of the plants, and we rescued birds, some even dead… that we put in the wood stove wrapped in love, then take them out and as if by magic they lived again… my eyes saw the magic of this great woman…
The first person I admire in my life, the warrior goddess healer woman full of gifts. The guardian of love and truth, the best example of life I could have.
The weaver of dreams that made me fly the highest, the one that spoke to me of birds and mountains, my ancestral human encyclopedia, the woman who planted a garden of beautiful memories in my heart.
The one that with her voice lulled me every night and with her smile in the morning woke me up, her little hands always open to give and give …
She taught me songs and to draw chicks, she talked to me about life from another world… she taught me to listen to my heart… she told me to listen to that voice inside me… that one that always tells the truth.
I always thought that this woman was like an angel or a being from another world, I admired her and followed her steps around the house observing everything she did and said… like a winged being that came from heaven, I loved and wrapped myself in her wings…
Thank you blessed universe for giving me the opportunity to be under such a great presence, I appreciate the years we spent together and all the memories that were planted in that garden…
You live always in my heart ❤️
I love you mamá de mi alma 👵🏼
Thank you for always guiding me ”
Nothing was wrong with me, everything was exactly right and I found what I was missing and so much more <3
Much love & Pura Vida!
My name is Eagle Fire Mountain 😊✨🦅🌋 🙏🏼♾
Águila Montana de Fuego.
Sound Healing Malta.
